Mindful Musing: Intersection of mind and body

Since covid I started to take long walks with my son, one to get out of the house and stop us going stir crazy and two to get some exercise, and it stuck! I found it too be a great way to think things through and prioritize what was important for the day ahead.

Not only do I feel better, but there’s something about walking that unlocks my brain. Creatively I’ve found that my writing improved with ideas and story lines. But I did not connect walking with learning lines until starting acting course at The Actors Lounge. Our tutor gave us access to tips and pointers for learning lines. To which not knowing what would work for myself, I tried all. At school, and into my adulthood I had a chip on my shoulder over my ability in English, reading and writing. Which impacted on my perception of my spoken ability, believing I wasn’t worth!

However, in having children I was made it my quest to encourage them in everything they applied themselves to. Which led to a conversation between me and my eldest about writing, he was having difficulties in English homework that involved story telling. I had a box of old writing and drawings of character ideas, worlds and so on.

After reading the parts of unfinished books he left me with a nagging question, that made me look myself in the mirror. As he’d asked why haven’t you published it yet? That was nut kicking question, as I knew that my inner child wanted to be in film and TV, I knew that my inner child wished to be an actor and to bring these stories to the world! I’d got burn with acting, once as a child wanting to take drama, to be told I wouldn’t be able to keep up! Second time back in my twenties when I was conned out of a large amount of money for a photoshoot, which I never received the photos for! And so settled for the status quo.

Hypocrite! Here I was, an adult holding that inner child to ransom from what he wished to pursue! The complete opposite to what I was telling my own children, that life is about going after your dreams. How could they if they didn’t see me pursuing my dreams! Arguing to myself, that those were childish dreams, didn’t have an idea how to pursue that dream anyway, it was too late for me!

Exactly what they were excuses, just laziness keeps me from moving forward, placing me in the ruts of safe ‘responsible jobs’ that we convince ourselves and stop us from changing course. His small question made my think what I was doing with my life, was it the life I wish to follow, was it what my inner child wanted! That evening, I pledged to myself, that, I would practice what I was preaching to my boys and lead by example!

Finding a path into the film industry via background/extra agency, gave me a new-found confidence. Seeing that dramas are possible, that each ‘roadblock’ is merely a step to work on, been willing to be out of that comfort zone and grow.

The scripts we were given were one of those steps, that I knew was going to be a daunting one even with the different approaches that we were equipped with. As the weeks marched on, I still couldn’t get the feel for having those lines memorized. Panic was starting to kick in, old voices started to speak from the past attacking that new confidence.

Before our half-term we each had a one to one with our tutor, which I greatly needed. Bring forward what I needed to do, at first it was to robotically read the words of the script, to get them into my head. Then at every opportunity to repeat them, while thinks around the house, using one of my sons as my home scene partner. Then one sunny morning, as I took my morning walk it clicked. I found myself, no script, just the words in my head and on my lips, as I resighted them as I walked. Not force it was effortless, to the point of I now had the range to ‘play’ with the delivery of the line, tone, pitch, volume and range, becoming real with actions that manifested with them. Feeling natural to the situation that the scene was asking for.

All that was left was the nerves of the stage! The closest I’d ever got to been on stage has been in the school choir and a small part in the school’s production ‘A Christmas Carol’ as young Jacob Marley. I only had a small line; school rehearsals had been our only preparation. At the time there was a mixture of excitement and nerves, but the nerves outweighed the excitement.

Our tutor had us doing rehearsals with our scene partners, then at the end of each lesson we’d perform in front of our fellow pupils. Other lessons were dedicated to different points, such as emotions, body language and so on. As the weeks moved towards our showcase, we had the chance to practice using one of our scenes as a self-tape. Some chose the same scene for both self-tape and showcase. Weighing up the two scenes I had I went for my first for the self-tape, as the scene as sitting at a café and felt better for the closeness of TV and film. My second fitted better as a stage piece.

Nerves building through morning subsided once arriving at the hall. Performing in front of a group you’d gotten to know was one thing, but we were now in front of an audience of other students their family and friends. My scene partner and I were up first! Standing in the wings, which were not wings! As the stage was just that a raised area, the wings were exposed to the eyes of the audience, raw nerves just as before. I found my nerves energy coming out in a lot of movement, ‘dance’ of sorts. Then we were called to perform.

Nerves were conquered by excitement, it went better that we’d rehearsed, it felt amazing, before we knew it, we’d finished, the buzz that I had stepping off that stage continued through the evening. Our fellow students performed their scenes, we got to take our bows at the end of each classes’ performance.

Walking has turned something I used to dread into something I look forward to. It’s not just about memorizing or just getting lines right. It’s about feeling the words, finding my groove, and stealing a moment to enjoy the world outside. When I’m walking, I’m not just staring at words on a page; I’m saying them, hearing them, feeling my steps match their rhythm. It’s a creativity booster. I’ll be strolling along, and suddenly, I’ll picture a new way to deliver a line, it’s like the script becomes part of me.

Whether I’m prepping for a role or just trying to sound smooth at a family event, this habit makes me better at it. Plus, I get some steps in, which is a win win. Its another step forward into growth as a person expanding my acting chops. At the beginning of the year if you’d asked me if I would stand on a stage I would have laughed. My preferred performing realm is in front of a camera, but I now see that the stage is not off limits to me.

My takeaway from this is I have learnt a great deal over these ten weeks, but also, I have a lot more to learn as I head towards the next chapter of my acting experience. It has shown me that a dream is worth dreaming if you pursue it with all your heart. To have a dream, I wish I could, is just that a dream. Dreams need action to become a reality, actions move us through life, place yourself out into those zones that are uncomfortable.

This month is a break from acting classes, resuming in May for a further ten weeks, to which I look forward to and can not wait to get my chop around. Not that it is in any way a time to rest, applying to roles with self-tapes and auditions is at the top of my agenda.